


What Is

by godforsaken



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24190621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godforsaken/pseuds/godforsaken
Summary: The morning of August 24th, Near is awoken by his life partner, and he should have realized at that moment that his life would never be the same.Mello proposes to Near on his birthday and it gets Near thinking about their history.
Relationships: Mello | Mihael Keehl/Near | Nate River
Comments: 11
Kudos: 46





	What Is

He woke to something warm touching his face, and bright sunlight making his eyelids seem red. He recognized what was touching him, and who, within a second. The calloused hand that stroked his cheek was the same one that held his hand late at night whenever he couldn't sleep. It was the same hand that played with his hair when he was working at his computer. He was comfortable in his ball-like position, and he didn't want to get up. His body had made a small dent in the mattress as he slept, and it felt like a little nest.

"Near..." A soft voice called, pulling him farther from his dreamlike state.

Near opened his eyes and blinked rapidly, squinting from the sunlight. He met the eyes of the person who was trying to wake him, and saw a boy with blond shoulder length hair that framed his face. He had shocking blue eyes with flecks of gold that reflected off the light streaming through the window. A huge smile was plastered to his face, which was only a few inches away from his own. Near stared at him for a moment, trying to determine why this boy would be waking him up at eight in the morning on a his day off. Normally, he would already be awake, but he had gone to bed later than usual the night before.

"Good morning, Mello. May I ask why you are suggestively stroking my face as I sleep?" He asked the boy in a flat voice.

"You make me sound like such a creep."

Near raised a brow.

"You aren't?"

"...Maybe a little but you make me sound like a hardcore stalker," Mello stated, crossing his arms. "Which I'm not."

"Are you sure about that?"

Mello ignored it. "Anyway, I have some stuff planned for today, since its your birthday. So, get up."

Near furrowed his eyebrows. He didn't think that he'd ever told Mello when his birthday was. He himself, forgot that it was today. Mello did have resources, but Near hadn't ever told anyone his birthday. He never needed to.

"How did you know today was my birthday?" He asked, sitting up and rubbing at his face.

Mello got up from the floor, where he was kneeling, and gave Near a wink. "I have my ways."

Near just looked at him before getting to his feet as well. He was suddenly quite nervous about what Mello had planned. They were very different people with very different ideas of 'fun'. The blonds way of entertaining himself often consisted of really dangerous things. As Near recalled, there was a picture somewhere on the internet of Mello scaling a tall building. It almost gave Near a heart attack when he saw it.

"What sort of things do you have planned? Nothing dangerous, I hope." He asked as he lifted his arms to stretch, suppressing a yawn.

He was tired, but the drowsiness would go away soon. Mello was hyper. Near could tell just by his voice and the way he moved. He was obviously very excited for today, and the shorter boy thought it was kind of cute. Mello had more than just a little pep in his step, it was more like a parade in his every movement.

Mello shook his head. "I can't tell you. Its a surprise. But I can tell you to dress casually."

Near sighed and made his way over to his dresser, hoping that his casual met Mellos definition of casual. He opened the top drawer where he kept his pants and stared. All of his clothes were neatly folded and arranged so that he could see every article. He couldn't stand it if it was a mess. That's also how he ended up folding Mellos clothing as well. He considered each piece before deciding on a pair of gray skinny jeans that the blond insisted that he buy, matching it with a black sweater that he'd stolen from Mello several months ago. He didn't seem to care all that much, since he was cooing at Near about how 'cute' he looked. Near turned to look at Mello.

"I need to change." He said, beginning to unfold the pants he held.

Mello nodded. "So change?" He suggested slowly, obviously confused by the shorter boys statement.

"That means get out."

"Why? I've seen you naked before." He argued, talking a few steps closer.

Nears face went red, a perverse memory filling his mind. "That was different." He muttered, crossing his arms with indignation.

Mello laughed and leaned forward, kissing Nears blushing cheek. "Okay, fine. I'll go. Meet me downstairs when you're done." And then he spun around, waltzing out the door.

~

Half an hour later, Near was dressed and they both had eaten the impressively made pancakes that Mello had spent an hour perfecting earlier that morning. The shorter boy had gotten the impression that the blond hadn't slept at all. Maybe he'd drank one of those drinks that are super packed with caffeine. After breakfast, Mello made Near get in the car without telling him why. He just repeated the same thing every time the shorter boy asked.

"I can't tell you. Its a surprise."

This made Near quite annoyed, but if Mello went through this much trouble, it should be worth it. A knot of excitement had squirmed its way into his stomach. He didn't know if he was genuinely excited, or if he was fearing for his life. Mello was driving, after all.

"Do you even know where we're going?" Near asked, buckling the seatbelt of the passenger seat. It kind of surprised him that he was even tall enough to sit in the front.

Mello scoffed. "Of course I do. I actually planned this. It took a month." He stated, obviously very proud of himself.

Near bit back a grin. Mello could be so childish sometimes, and it was very adorable. The shorter boy lifted his legs and rested them on the dashboard of the car. It wasn't smart, considering if an accident were to happen, his knees would fly into his eye sockets, but he doubted that Mello would kill them. He had passed the drivers test, so that meant the DMV trusted him on the road. Near trusted him too.

They drove for fifteen minutes before Mello pulled over to the side of the highway. He pulled a black strip of cloth out of his back pocket and handed it to Near. The shorter boy just looked at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Its a surprise. I don't want you guessing where we're going before we get there. That'll ruin everything." He defended, lifting his hands as if that would prove his innocence.

Near sighed and tied the strip over his eyes, deciding that he would use his other senses to figure it out. Where could Mello be taking him that was so special? As Mello started driving again, Near realized that his other senses were completely useless in this situation. He couldn't hear anything besides the hum of the car and the radio that was playing low, with Mello singing softly along with it. Mello was a pretty good singer, and his voice had a way of relaxing the smaller boy to the point of making him kinda sleepy.

After a half an hour, the car came to a stop, and Near was jolted out of his thoughts once again when Mello spoke.

"I'm gonna have to carry you. You don't mind, do you?" He asked, opening his door to step out.

Near assumed he didn't really have a choice so he nodded and fumbled blindly with his door. His door opened and he almost fell out, but Mello was there to make sure he didn't face plant. The blond situated Near on his back, and began walking.

"You really need to eat more. You weigh nothing." Mello muttered, his hands supporting Nears legs as they continued on.

"Don't body shame me. Besides, its impossible to weigh nothing." The shorter boy countered, tapping his foot against Mellos thigh. "Because bones and organs have weight."

Mello rolled his eyes. "I know that. How dumb do you think I am?"

"You asked me if the sun had bones a month ago."

"I'm pretty sure that was Matt."

"Uh huh... Sure it was."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence for a few minutes, Near waiting until he could take the blind fold off. He didn't like being blind. It made him feel vulnerable, as if something was watching him and waiting for the perfect moment to attack. Of course, Mello would protect him. He always did, even if it meant risking his life. Mello was always the one that took risks. He and Matt would do stupid things together on the daily, making Near wonder if Mello was really as smart as everyone said. He was supposed to be a genius, but some of the stuff he did made the shorter boy think that he'd gotten one too many concussions. Mello always went off of instinct, while Near used logic. They were complete opposites, yet they got along so well.

Near smiled to himself, glad that the blond wouldn't see his moment of weakness. Throughout their walk, Near heard faint voices around them, but they were steadily growing louder. It made Near uneasy, so he clung to Mello like his life depended on it. He could hear music in the background, that increasing in volume as well. It was a terribly peppy song, and he remembered Mello singing this song a couple of days ago.

By the time Mello stopped, the voices surrounded him with a cringe worthy volume. The blond let Near climb off his back before he carefully removed the blind fold. The sight he saw before him made his stomach twist itself in a knot, his palms begin to sweat, and made his anxiety skyrocket.

Hundreds of people milled around on the acres of grass that was splayed out like a canvas. On the grass was a wide variety of rides that ranged from rollercoasters to bumpercars. Clowns dressed in a multitude of colors danced on stilts, and contortionists performed on the stage that was a few hundred feet away from him. Children of all ages ran around, some with their faces painted like animals or imaginary creatures. Couples walked around with their hands intertwined, and some walked around with kids on their shoulders.

Everything about it made Near nervous, yet excited.

"You brought me to a carnival?" He asked, looking around carefully.

Mello fidgeted with his hands, obviously worried that Near wouldn't like it. It wasn't that he didn't like it, he just hadn't ever been to a carnival before, and he had a problem with large crowds.

"Surprise?" Mello said, even though it was more of a question.

He waved his hands in what he called 'jazz hands', with a nervous smile. Near looked around once more, deciding whether he could handle this or not. Mello said he'd been planning this for a month, and the shorter boy didn't want to crush his hopes. Besides, how bad could a carnival be?

He let a small, rare smile creep onto his face, sliding his hand into the blonds.

"I've never been to a carnival before." He admitted, hoping that Mello understood his gesture.

The relief on his face was as clear as day, and anyone could tell that his day had just gotten one hundred percent better just by knowing that Near was happy with the surprise. Near felt a little guilty. He probably thought that he didn't like it at first. With a small hum, the shorter boy tugged lightly on Mellos arm and took a step forward.

"Well, I'll make sure that you have fun." Mello promised, planting a light kiss on Nears forehead before starting to move closer to the gates.

Near followed, making sure that his grip on Mello was tight so that he wouldn't get lost. If he got lost, he was almost positive that he'd never find his way out. The carnival was huge, and it had so many rides. He didn't think that even Mello and Matt could ride all of them in one day. As they got closer, Near only seemed to shrink.

Everything was big and intimidating, but at the same time, it thrilled him. He'd never been on a rollercoaster, but of course he'd seen them before. The tracks were close, and he'd only ever seen them that close in movies. Usually, people died in those movies. Mello stopped by a tent, pulling out his wallet and saying something that Near couldn't quite hear over the roar of all the other people. The blond handed the man two bills, and the man in the tent handed back two bright green bracelets. Mello thanked him and turned back to Near, taking his hand and fastening the neon strip of paper to his wrist.

"What do you wanna ride first? We could go on something that won't scar you, or we could try something that might. Your choice." Mello said, pointing to a few different rides as he spoke in that beautifully deep voice that could soothe Near to sleep, or keep him up at night.

Near considered the ones that Mello had pointed to, and decided that it would be best to try the rollercoaster first. He pointed in the direction of the largest ride he could see, trying to get a confident smile to appear. He wasn't ready for a rollercoaster, no matter how ready he was trying to convince himself he was. Mello raised an eyebrow, but smiled back.

"Matt would shit himself if he found out you actually wanted to go on that ride." He laughed. "Don't tell him I told you this, but when we went on that ride a month ago to figure out how to celebrate your birthday... He screamed like a girl."

Near tried to picture Matt screaming like that, and the fact that he so easily could made him snicker to himself.

He wondered what his own scream would sound like if he was in a life threatening situation. Maybe his would be high pitched too? The two made their way over to the ride that Near had picked, and waiting in line. He was tempted to chicken out, but he knew that Mello would never allow him to do that.

Once it was their turn to go, Nears hands had begun to sweat again. He was nervous, but Mello kept a hold on his hand, rubbing a thumb over his knuckles in order to comfort the shorter boy. Whenever Near stiffened, Mello would whisper soothing words.

They climbed into the cart that would eventually be speeding over the track and made sure that they were secure. The blonds hand never left Nears, even when the cart started moving, and it would have been safer to hold onto the handle bar.

You know that feeling you get when you're falling in a dream? That pressure that seems to push on your stomach that's not exactly painful, but unpleasant at the same time? It felt like that. It was the worst feeling in the world, but at the same time, he liked it. Each time the track descended, the feeling would intensify to the point of Near wanting to scream. He didn't though. He would gasp and laugh quietly while Mello hooted and hollered. When their cart came to a stop, Mello was the first to get out, eager to help Near out as well.

The shorter boy was dizzy, but he had overall enjoyed the experience. Mello looked slightly concerned as they made their way away from the ride, him supporting most of Nears weight as he got used to flat ground again.

"How was that? Do you wanna try another one?" Mello asked.

"Another one."

~

By the time it had started to get dark, Mello and Near had been on a majority of the rides and done most of the activities. Near expected them to head home now, but Mello claimed that he had one last thing planned. He dragged the other boy to the empty part of the grassy canvas and checked the time.

Many people had gathered in that part of the field, and Near was trying to figure out why. He was counting the people when all of the sudden, the sky erupted in a violent wave of noise and color, and it all made sense.

Fireworks.

Each firework was a different color, combusting and turning the sky different colors before filling it with smoke. Though it was mesmerizing, Near couldn't help but to think about how much pollution those caused.

"Hey, Near? I have something to ask you." Mello yelled over the explosions.

Near looked at him. He looked nervous again, except it seemed worse than this morning. He noticed that Mello was fumbling with his hands again, and chewing his lip.

But, with only minor hesitation, he dropped down to one knee and pulled something out of his pocket. It was a small black box, no larger than one of those compact mirrors that women use to fix their makeup. It fit in the palm of Mellos hand, and as he opened it, Near let out a small gasp.

Inside was a shiny silver ring that obviously costed a fortune. It had three stones that shined brightly against the colors that continued to fill the sky.

"Marry me?"

Near felt everything around him come to a stop. He could no longer hear the fireworks, or the coos of those who were watching them. He could only hear his own breathing that was becoming more and more uneven. Mello wanted to get married. He should have seen this coming. It wasn't that Near didn't want to get married, he was just scared. Scared of the fact that someone wanted to spend the rest of their life with him. It was a new concept. He looked up and saw the fellow onlookers watching in awe, and that made it even worse. He shouldn't be scared, yet he was. Near looked up and saw that the rest of the people that had gathered were staring. Some looked awed, and some looked disgusted. The fear was overwhelming, and he couldn't stand it.

He didn't like being on the spotlight, so he did what anyone would do.

He ran.

Near bolted past everyone in the crowd, who gasped in shock. The intense feeling of suffocation was overwhelming and he had to get out. He could barely breathe, and he didn't know why. He'd never been put on the spot like that, and he had to admit... He didn't like it at all.

He didn't exactly know where he was going, but he ran until ended up somewhere in the woods, and he realized how bad of an idea running away was. He wouldn't be able to find his way back. Would Mello even want him to? He looked around. He was in a sea of trees, and he'd forgotten which way the carnival was.

With his breath coming in short burts, Near plopped down at the base of a tree, knowing that if he didn't get his breathing under control, that he would likely pass out. Now was not the time to be hyperventilating. Looking around at the trees, Near tried to calm himself down from, coaxing himself from the brink of what felt like hysteria.

Once he was calm enough to think, he started regretting his decision. He made Mello look like an idiot, and he made himself look like an asshole. He wanted to say yes to Mello, but... All of those people scared him. The thought of forever scared him. It was intimidating, being under their gaze, and being put in that kind of position. If Near had known that Mello was going to propose, he wouldn't have agreed to go somewhere with a crowd.

He didn't doubt for a second that Mello was angry, and he'd need some time to calm down. Near wished with everything he had that he hadn't done that. Why did he do it? Why did he embarrass Mello like that? All of those people were staring at him, and if made him feel like he was being pressured.

Now that he thought about it, forever with Mello wouldn't be so different from their life now. They had already been together for years, so would the rest of their lives be any different? It would mean that they would grow old together...

The shorter boy gave a small laugh at the thought of Mello being an old man, curling himself into a ball. He really wished he hadn't run away. Would Mello even talk to him again? Would he leave Near behind when he went home? The laugh turned into a small cry of sadness which carried into a string of sniffles. He felt tears prickling at his eyes, telling him to let it out.

He sat in a ball for a long time, listening to the faint music that could just barely be heard from where he was. He kept himself from crying by watching an ant carry clumps of dirt back and forth from the mound that was a few feet away from him. The ant was trying to bring more supplies to make their mound bigger.

Running away was probably the most illogical thing he could have done, yet his anxiety thought that it was the best option. He groaned to himself and rubbed at his face.

"Come here often?"

Nears head shot up to see someone standing to his right. His immediate reaction was to back away, but then he recognized who it was. A tall blond figure leaned against the tree, holding two red Solo cups. He held one out to Near, who squinted suspiciously, but took the cup. Was he upset enough not to hear Mello coming? He could have been murdered because he was being oblivious.

"Mello." He stated, almost as a greeting. "How'd you find me?"

Mello sipped from his own cup and sat down next to the shorter boy, who was still sitting in a ball. "I ran after you, but I figured you'd want some alone time. That and I was pretty angry myself. I think I needed some alone time too.

He said it so casually, and Near felt a strong surge of guilt. Mello had been livid, and he still was. His entire posture seemed aggressive and that made Near worried. What had he done to calm down? Near hoped he hadn't hurt anyone.

"I'm sorry." He muttered, sipping the drink.

The blond looked at Near for a moment before putting his drink down and grabbing the shorter boy by the waist. Mello pulled him into his lap, startling Near a bit.

"No... It was my fault. I shouldn't have done it in front of that many people." Mello admitted, using his arms to cover Near. It had gotten chilly, as it usually did on August nights.

"It was supposed to be 'romantic' but I ruined it and embarrassed you." Near countered, letting himself sink into Mellos embrace.

"Well, that did kind of suck, but I take blame. I refuse to let you think it was your fault."

Near furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at Mello, who was peaking through the tree tops to see the stars. The bright flecks in the sky reflected off of his eyes, making them look like a mirror. Everything about him looked beautiful, and Near couldn't imagine a world without Mello.

"Mello?" He asked in a whisper.

Mello looked down and tightened his grip on Near, no doubt seeing exactly what the shorter boy had seen on him just a second before. He smiled happily.

"Yes?" He replied, running his fingers through Nears pale hair.

The paler boy took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself.

"Will you ask me again?"

Mello stopped his movements and froze for a second. This worried Near. What if he changed his mind? What if he didn't want to ask Near anymore? Instead of the anticipated rejection, Mello pulled the little black box out of his pocket and opened it.

"Marry me?"

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a one shot in 2016 on Wattpad for my best friends birthday, and I decided to upload it here! this was my first serious published work, so I know its not that great, but it made me happy to reread so I hope it makes y'all happy too.


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